Although the gay guy in the relationship will try their best to be sympathetic — they know this struggle better than most, after all — it's understandable that their patience will wear thin.
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The ability to go public about their relationships is very important to many gay men — even if it attracts negativity. As a fresher at university, Robin, then 18, fell into a relationship with Dom, Says Robin: He absolutely had per cent control over things; the code of conduct imposed on us was coming from him, not me. Robin decided he would come out, in the hope it would show Dom that it didn't have to be a nightmare.
Simon was 17 when his hitherto straight best friend made a move on him. He would always tell me he wasn't like me, and couldn't be, because he 'had his whole future ahead of him'. The idea that my future was irrelevant and that admitting he was with me would ruin his made me feel worthless and I ended up battling depression for years. Gay men aren't toys to be practised on. Bisexuality was often the only concession to less binary labels, but is and was often a source of derision among straight and gay people alike, characterised by accusations of greed or indecision. The closest anyone got for many years was the advent of metrosexuals — basically straight men who used moisturiser and took longer than five minutes to get ready in the morning — and drunk straight women getting off with each other for a dare.
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And even these were very much about straight people play-acting than any serious comment on evolving sexuality. Everybody else had to stay in lane, their labels hanging over them. A sign things could be changing, for the better, are men who are comfortable with their status as a man who sleeps with men, and refuse to be bound by labels. Regardless of background, the hospitality is unbelievable.
Tips for non-Asians dating an Asian
Going to a 5-star restaurant in Thailand is like going to a 7-star in America. The wait staff goes the extra mile, everyone greets you with the wai, and the locals are just genuinely nice people who want to ensure you have a good experience. The only time it comes up is when I meet with locals.
They are travel agents that focus on gay men as an audience so this is perfect for me when I need destination ideas or activities to do. They tend to have beautiful stories from locals and they give me ideas on what to do when I travel for work. Can you share your thoughts about them? Do work FAM trips count? It just makes the vibe more relaxed and fun.
Do you think it helps to boycott places that are outwardly intolerant toward gay people or is it better to go and actually meet people and try to change their minds? Boycotting hurts their pockets, which unfortunately is how the world works — money.
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But with any boycott, I advise to do proper and thorough research as to not fall in a rabbit hole of theories, and instead, find credible news stories and trusted peers to understand why something should be boycotted. Hopefully with boycotting and an in-person discussion, their minds would evolve to be more accepting over time. You work with many Asian countries.
You know, the funny thing is I hated being Asian as a kid. Now, in marketing, I always push to show diversity in our campaigns and hire people with different backgrounds to show more inclusivity.
Thailand has a website called GoThaiBeFree. They really care about this audience. Not everyone on a hookup app is looking for sex and even if they are, who gives a toss? Spare us your sanctimony, your grace.
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This is fine — nothing wrong with a one-night-stand — as long as he realises that too. We place a lot of importance, misguidedly I feel, on not having sex on the first date. If you feel it between you, then go for it. The Guyliner has been writing about gay dating since and is also a columnist at Gay Times Magazine.