Around 2, I cut that in half for those who were single and I had 1, I used his one out of five attraction scale and was down to Half that for emotionally available people. Half that for a sense of humor.
Half that for something Kestenbaum left out — their feelings toward you. Half that for everything else. Still, 15 is nothing to scoff at! Fifteen people in the entire world that might be right for you, hidden by the constraints of space and time.
It is — I suspect — why we U-haul, why we dig in, why we nest. Or rather why we resign, why we break ranks, why we untether. Or worse, why we settle. Except the reality of it is showing a different picture. How do you reconcile that discrepancy if not to invalidate the idea of a predetermined outcome completely? When I sat down to do the math on this I thought I was just curious to find out a tangible number to a hypothetical theory.
Like the story of Persephone, the Greek goddess responsible for creating the four seasons after slipping down a crack into the underworld, it feels like tidy, accessible symbolism. Even beyond the complexities of relationships, the idea of soulmates as these star-crossed beings coming and staying together implies that we either stay the same our entire lives or that we grow in the exact same way and at the exact same rate as another person.
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Except we know neither of those things to be true. Do I think in some instances we meet, love, and pair in ways beyond our comprehension? That we continue to say yes? You need to login in order to like this post: I find the idea of soulmates fun in stories, but in real life, I think it diminishes the very hard and rewarding work of love.
Or, as you put it: The math IS bonkers! This is lovely, and I think it nicely illustrates the reason why it seems like a lot of bi women end up marrying dudes.
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I am part of the bi community, so I will happily speak on this topic. I think bi women being aware of those statistics also feeds into that. Anyone who has questions -PM me!
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For me, emotions always come in. It totally works to be mushy with someone and still accept growing apart. I get to appreciate this human for who they are, not what I hope they will be to me. You miss what you had; you have to readjust your thoughts and learn to corral your heart in new healthy directions. But these are all skills that I think are super super useful, not just for romantic relationships but for life in general. So your assumption might not be right for everyone.
The way I see it, when you find your soulmate, there is something unexplainable that clicks. When you just KNOW their essence. When I looked into my partners eyes for the first time I had the entire universe staring back at me. Her life, my life, everything that ever happened led us there and in the matter of seconds everything made sense and fell into place.
So much so that the people standing next to us saw the same thing as they watched us getting introduced. Same for her. She even had dreams about me, very long before she met me. She would draw the woman in those dreams and recently she showed me that decade old drawing and yeah, it was me.
So these kind of things happen. They are not a social construct and they are certainly not dangerous. Too little too late but I appreciated the gesture, for a change. Plus I gained a better understanding of how being honest with yourself and with others is the key to dating. After another period of radio silence, I started using a couple of apps and sites again which only led to further disappointment.
We are different on many levels but we had a few important things in common: I hate when people tell you how love will find you when you stop searching and all that zen crap.
Nobody knows how the universe works. What makes the difference in the end is persistence and clarity about what you want. Follow Francesco Cerniglia on Twitter: Over 40 Dating: Your Love-Life Begins at Forty! They publish OUT and Advocate as well as answer insightful questions about yourself such as allowing you to filter your searches with 3 categories while Premium lets you gauge your sex life? But, despite these minor setbacks Scruff succeeds where most way, this free site does not have any barrier to enter — anyone can click in and start searching.
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Although we're both based in London, the chances of us meeting by other members.
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